Confessions of a Cynical Mind

When last I updated, I'd been struggling with the high-50s of weight loss, plateauing right below the 60 mark. When the hell that was the fourth quarter holiday '09 season came to an end, I kind of went off plan. I must say it wasn't like a time of weakness or anything. I just thought I needed a break from counting points, and I was frustrated with plateauing. Maybe a break would trick my body back into weight loss mode. Also, I wanted to prove I could at least maintain my weight if I wanted. So for roughly two weeks, I didn't count points and ate by feel, armed with my Weight Watchers knowledge.

My Weight Watchers group didn't meet Christmas or New Years weeks, due to holiday closings. And from January 1st to 8th, I was in New Jersey, seeing my family, and eating good, Jersey food. I weighed in on January 9th, and found I maintained. I knew I wasn't out of the woods yet because the spetzel and pizza I at could take a week to hit my weight. The following Wednesday, I weighed in with a gain of 0.2. I was relieved that was all that I gained. Since the 9th I had been hitting the plan hard. I weighed in on the 21st, having been fully back into the swing of things for 12 days. Result? Eight pound loss. Woot! The following week saw a 3.4 pound loss, then 1.4.

Today I sit at a total weight loss of 71.8 pounds. Not only did my plan work, but it worked brilliantly. And to be honest, I really needed the break from the point crunch. Any ground one could say I lost those two weeks was well worth it in reduced stress.

Anyway, I'm back in full, Weight Watchers swing, and soon I'll be posting more because life is starting to normalize from holiday time. More soon!

Thanksgiving went well. I ate plenty of food and had ice cream when I got home.

Paul came over and he, Jen, and I played a three-player game of Battlestar Galactica from Fantasy Flight. It was our second play (first play was a full table of six), and we had fun; but I don't think I'll play again with so few. Four to six players for me, from here on out. I suspect five players will be the sweet spot.

Speaking of Paul, he came over with apple pie, and because I had already eaten ice cream, I turned him down. I think he and Jen were stunned. I ended up only using six Flex Points on Thanksgiving.

Friday, Paul brought me a piece of his pecan pie, and it was awesome. The result was I spent more points the day after Thanksgiving than on the actual day, especially with Rebecca's (a seasonal employee) pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and the mall's delivery of glazed donuts.

Saturday was BJ's birthday dinner. That went well, too. All in all, I was really careful with my points, with only a few indulgences (but still within the rules).

The end result? I lost 4.8 lbs. That's right. Almost five pounds, even with the biggest food holiday of the year, a family birthday dinner, and Paul's pecan pie.

It turns out Mom lost a pound, too. I'm proud of her for that. I was really worried when she told me they weren't giving WW any special consideration. I'll hear about Leigh tomorrow, I'm sure.

I have to say the main reason I did so well for the week was the support of my wife and my in-laws. So thanks to them, again. Points were laid next to each dish, a scale was at the ready, and a quarter cup spoon was provided. BJ's chocolate and white chocolate cream pies were so low in points, I was able to have a piece of each!

So the grand total, so far, is 57.8 lbs. lost. I'm almost to the weight I first started WW at back in '03, a little more than 15 lbs. to go. I'm only 54.4 lbs. away from my BIG medium-term goal of 337 (so more than halfway there). That's when I'll do a happy dance (you know, without injuring myself).

I had to work today, but I left early so I could hit Weight Watchers. The new total is 53 lbs., even. I hit 50.8 last week, but I went to an off meeting. So I didn't do my 50-pound celebration (you get a brass washer with "50 lbs." stamped into it). This week, I lost another 2.2 lbs. and went ahead with the celebration.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving, but I'm not the least bit worried about my behavior. Part of that is because I've been like a rock with this thing, but the biggest part is the amount of support I'm getting from the Hogans. Everyone is being extremely supportive. The whole day will pretty much be "Weight Watchers Approved," in terms of points.

I was dismayed to hear the Colorado Weight Watchers aren't really observing the plan tomorrow, but everyone has to go their own path, right? My path is clear to me. I'm sure theirs is to them.

One thing I asked myself when I hit 50 was, "Can I do this four more times?" It didn't take long to decide, "Hell yes, I can!" It's been nineteen weeks, and even if I only lose 2 lbs. a week, I'll be through this in two years. Some might think that's a long time, but I really don't. For all intents and purposes, I've pretty much been steadily gaining weight since I was five. Two years vs. thirty? Please.

I've done my best to thank folks for their support. I'll take this time to say it publicly to all who read this: Thanks!

I know I've been remiss in my duty in regard to posting my weight loss. As of last week, I was at 47.8 pound lost. I'll give a better update soon, but all is well. My reason for posting is to pass along this great article my friend Mike sent me awhile back. Check it out.

So I'm going to stop dating my entries and numbering the weeks. I should have thought better of it when I realized I had to count in triple digits. :)

So I've lost 40 pounds, exactly. This is one of the hurdles that I mentioned recently. I feel pretty good, too. I was standing, waiting for the lady at the counter to tell me to step on the scale. I looked at my weight card and thought: "If she writes '409.2' I will be at 40." I stepped on the scale and, sure enough, she wrote down "409.2". Pretty funny. My next thought was: "I should've gone for 250."

Last night I had to hit Albertson's for soda. I decided it would be a good time to get a popcorn refill. When I got to the aisle, I decided to look at different types. My favorite is Blast o' Butter. It was only three points per bag, I thought, so why not get the most satisfying stuff? I decided to look at some of the other flavors like the white popcorn and the candy apple-flavored stuff. I calculated the points in my head (having forgotten the calculator), and was horrified at how expensive, points-wise, this stuff was. Then I had a horrible thought. I checked the Blast o' Butter, and my fears were realized: I had been completely miscalculating my points on popcorn. Rather than 3 points for Blast o' Butter, it was more like 10 or 11 (500 calories)! So I started looking at all the popcorn and ended up walking away with nothing. I wanted the Blast o' Butter, dammit! But in my panic and ensuing frustration I discovered some interesting popcorn facts.

Most popcorn, except the extra butter, caramel, and insert-abomination-of-popcorn-here, is about 250 calories (5 to 6 points) a bag. The super healthy stuff is saving like 50 calories. And the stuff from Smart Balance? 300 calories. This includes the light butter and the "healthier" one. Armed with this knowledge, I walked away from the chip aisle and headed straight to ice cream.

Unlike popcorn, the low fat and/or sugar free typically provide a good savings, while still maintaining flavor. I found these great chocolate-covered-with-crunches-type ice cream bars that were 90 calories each. Snack accomplished.

Popcorn may have a reduced role in my Weight Watchers life, but ice cream is forever...

Sorry it's been so long since an update. The crazy is starting to ramp up, lately.

Good news. As of my last weigh-in, I've lost 37.8 pounds. Honestly I currently feel like I'm coasting along as far as Weight Watchers is concerned. I may hit the 40-mark next week. We'll see, of course. Some weeks you do everything right, and you can maintain. The body is a fickle thing.

In other news, my company looks to be tapping me for a second store during the holidays. I'm thinking it will be 50% more work and double the stress of a usual holiday shopping season for me. I think I can handle it--just need to keep my eye on the ball. Compensation hasn't come up. I guess I'll wait till it's official to ask about that.

School is changing for me. I've put myself on hiatus at UOP as of November 18, which means I'll finish my current class this coming Tuesday and have one more class before my break. I'm scheduled to go back mid-February. My goal is to not go back, if I can avoid it. Not quitting school, but I want to switch to a major UOP doesn't really have. So I'm looking at other schools. Online programs are my goal. The current front runner is Arizona State University. I'd be going online because a) it's more convenient to my "schedule" and b) ASU is in Phoenix. Bit of a commute, I'd say.

The program I'm looking at is a multimedia program that also focuses on technical writing and editing. It's a degree I can see myself using in my podcast, my RPG editing, and maybe some future RPG and web skills I want to acquire. Anyway, I haven't even filled out the application yet, so this is all up in the air, to be honest.

RinCon is coming and I'm running one of the tables of the first round of the Chaos Challenge, a semi-competitive D&D4E event. Right now you might be thinking, "but, Ron, you're not a big fan of 4E." And you'd be right, but I made a commitment when I was under the 4E spell. I like to keep those.

So I weighed in yesterday and lost another four pounds, for a grand total of 32.8 pounds lost. Thus far, I've done pretty well. I'm not tempted by what I shouldn't be eating. Weight Watchers feels pretty natural now. I'm not logging what I eat; I keep my point total in my head.

Last night, Vern was asking me how I want to celebrate my milestones. I gave some answers at the time, but I don't know they're valid. When I hit 44 pounds lost, that will be my WW 10% goal. I think that's a cause for celebration, but there are two old numbers looming in my head like a dark secret: 337 and 40.

I hit 337 pounds the first time I was successful at WW (I went to one meeting years ago in Boulder, but never did anything with it. So it's hard to count.). I'd started at 376 and got down to 337. But I gave in to the temptations of Vernie's pregnant eating, and just dropped it like a stone. I think 337 will be my biggest milestone in WW. When I hit 337 again, I'll feel like I've erased some of the stupidity that lead me to exacerbating my back condition and hitting nearly 450 pounds. But first I have to hit 40 pounds.

The number I fell just short of the first time was 40 pounds lost. I remember as I approached the number, I got nervous. I panicked, I guess. That panic allowed me to use the coming of my beautiful CaLeigh as an excuse to stop losing the weight I need to lose, to be the father I want to be to her.

At 32.8, I'm starting to feel the pressure of that number, 40. But instead of using that which guilts me to give up, I'm allowing myself to get angry at the stupidity that led to my giving up that first time. I'm using that anger to shatter the number 40. I will reach it; I will pass it by.

With my busy week last week I never was able to post. No need to worry, though. I'm still on the program.

Last week I weighed in at 421.8, for a one-week loss of 5.4 pounds. This week I lost another 1.4 pounds. My current weight is 420.4. That's a total weight loss of 28.8 pounds in 8 weeks! I'm very excited. Weight Watchers has become less of a tough mission and more of a "something I just do."

Still putting out fires today, as I've had a few technical problems with the podcast, some of which I can't fix. There's a weird hum during the body of the show and another weird hum during the interview with Rob. I'm listening for content now, and I'll be uploading the show, a full day late, today.

Dad's doing well. Healing up nicely. He should have a prosthetic leg in about a month, best I can tell. He's doing so well that he may come here for Christmas, rather than us going out there.

Sorry this entry has taken so long. I missed my meeting on Wednesday; a monsoon hit just as I meant to leave the house. I hit the scale at WW on the way home from work last night, still in my work clothes. Aside from adding more weight (throwing off my real progress), I seem to have bad luck in work clothes.

I weighed in at 427.2, two pounds up from last week. I suspect that with the clothing factor, I lost about a pound, but the record states I'm up two. No worries, though. This is not a short term thing, and I'm just going to stay the course. It's interesting to note though, that I had lesser results this week, even though I used less points than usual. I need to be more consistent.

This week went well like the last. I lost another 5.4 pounds, putting me at 425.2 pounds, for a total of 24 pounds lost. I'm now spreading my flex points out weekly, so instead of saying I get 44 points per day with 35 flex points to spend throughout the week, I now think of it as having 44-49 points per day, with room for a little adjustment. It's working, I must say.

Much better week. Still sticking to the plan, but I was bad about journaling what I ate. I still managed to lose 5.6 pounds. That puts me at 430.6 and a total weight loss, so far, of 18.6 pounds.

Things are looking up all over. I started back at school last night, and, though I was dreading going, I really like the instructor. I also missed my teammate Amanda. We crack each other up.

Dad is doing swimmingly, considering. They removed his right leg up to mid-thigh, but they got the infection, he's going home next week, and he'll be walking with a prosthesis by late September. That's a whole 5 weeks earlier than the doctor's original "best case scenario." All I can say is my dad's one tough S.O.B. His heart's still weak, but they say he can live a relatively long time with that.

Yep. Things are looking up!

This week's weigh-in wasn't quite as encouraging as I'd hoped. My clothes fit better and I feel lighter, but the scale says I maintained. I was wearing more clothes this week, so I'm sure I lost a pound or two (typically, I go in shorts, t-shirt, and flip-flops; today it was jeans, button-up shirt, and shoes). I'm still being good with the plan. All points accounted for. I'm less-than-thrilled with my result, but I've no intention of letting it get me down. I'd like to kick myself for not running home and changing, but I'm still lacking the athleticism for such a feet! ;P

Yesterday I had my second weigh-in. Vern was off from work, so we just stopped in and did the weight part. I overheard the meeting leader going over the previous week's subject (Looking Thinner - gack!), and decided not to stay. But I did lose 2.4 more pounds, bringing my total weight loss to 13 pounds. Not bad for two weeks!

Again, I followed the plan to the letter. The difference this week was that I didn't space the flex points out as evenly (flex points are just that - points that you can use whenever). That may have contributed to the lower number. More likely is that my body has acclimated to WW, and I'm now into "normal weight loss." We'll see next week. I don't have any special events this week that will cause me to use a lot of flex points in one day, so the proof will be in the fat-free, sugar-free (2 points!) pudding.

I just completed my first week on Weight Watchers. I followed the plan to the letter. When today closes out, I will have spent all my points for the week, not a one left. When I stepped on the scale, I was expecting big results.

Having false-started on Weight Watchers, I knew that very heavy people lose weight quick, initially. My weight? 438.6. That's a weight loss of 10.6 pounds. The weird thing is, I think I can feel it. I spent the week on the edge of hunger (sometimes falling in). For the record, that's a good thing when one wants to lose weight.

For those that have read that more than two pounds of weight loss per week is unsafe. I'm here to tell you it's simply not true for folks that have triple-digit weight to lose. No amount of weight loss, with the exception of actual starvation, is more dangerous than carrying an extra hundred or so pounds.

Speaking of which: my final destination for weight will be, at a maximum, 196 pounds. That's a tough number for me right now, since I haven't been that weight since the 8th grade. I've decided to have faith. Also, if my back is healthy enough when I'm lighter, I fully intend to do resistance exercise, beginning when I break the 300 mark. That may put my final weight higher, depending on my body fat percentage. We'll see, I guess.

For the record, it would be unwise to expect another 10.6 week, so we'll see what happens next.

So I just finished my first meeting. The starting weight on what will be a long journey is: 449.2 lbs.

I've got some concerns regarding plateauing because, according to WW, I will be at the same daily points allowance for roughly the first 160 lbs. of my weight loss. At this point, I'm going with blind trust. 44 points per day... and straight on till morning.

(I had the wrong weight, by 100 lbs. - fixed)

My dad's been going through some complications from his diabetes, in the form of gangrene. Thus far, he's lost a total of six toes (one on his left foot and all on his right foot) and a nasty chunk of his right heel.

Today, on the drive home from work, I found out that while the toe wounds have healed well, his heel is so bad, they need to take his right leg below his knee. He's gone through a ton of pain and procedures and he's still losing half a limb.

Dad was pretty upbeat about the fact that he'll be walking in 3 or 4 months. He was upbeat in the way I am when I want someone to think I'm OK. It's unnerving how much I've become my father.

In our conversation, I made the remark, and I'm paraphrasing, "Don't worry about what I think or feel. I'm worried about you."

His reply? "I'll be fine. I'm worried about you losing that God-damned weight so you don't have to go through this."

I promised to work on it and got off the phone. I teared up immediately. When I got home, I sought my wife and daughter for comfort and decided it was time to do this right.

I go to my first Weight Watchers meeting (under my father's orders) this Wednesday. I will post my progress weekly.

After a talk with my friend, blondemuse, this past weekend at Origins Game Fair, I've decided to start fresh here on LJ.

Veronica and I went to Origins this weekend, after leaving Caleigh with my mom in Denver. We had a wonderful time. Every night there was either a party or a game to play. We didn't sleep long enough on any of the nights. By Monday, we were pretty much zombies. The trip back to Denver was through Chicago, where a three-hour layover became five hours when it was discovered, while we were on the plane, that the left engine had: "ingested a bird". So we spent a lot of time dozing in different places.

We're back in Tucson today and I'm mostly happy to be home.

Tomorrow I will begin edits on the podcast material we recorded at the show. My goal is to have the Origins wrap-up show on the web by Sunday. That show should include an interview with GAMA Executive Director Anthony Gallela, an Origins Awards discussion with Jeff Combos of Exile Game Studio, and Veronica's and my discussion on our time at Origins.

The discussion with my good friend, who convinced me with few words to begin my blog again, was basically about journaling my upcoming weight loss. The hope is to begin that sooner, rather than later.

On Thursday, I'm back to work.